Archive for March, 2008

A Surprise Gift

Monday, March 24th, 2008

It was supposed to be a normal lunch before visiting a friend on Easter Sunday. We were having lunch at Nandos as Denise hasn’t had her Nandos fix for two weeks. Actually its two weeks AND a day (thats 15 days). She was getting withdrawal symptoms and her crankiness was driving us nuts =p

Then they suddenly took out a cake, slammed it on the table and yelled “SURPRISED!!!!” out loud like some mad shenanigans. At this exact instant, poof! out comes a girl in bunny suit from the cake!!!! My was she hot!

Bunny Cake

Yeah right, I WISH! All I got was this lou…… err… great book! Thats right a book! More specifically its the totally uncensored “The Bumber Book of Rude and Politically Incorrect Jokes” for all my joking needs. Apparently, they think my many mischievous pranks wasn’t enough. They wanted me to be a comedian as well…

Present - Book
Present - Book w Autograph

I really love the book! Thanks Denise, CC and Ping for the belated birthday gift. I must admit, I was totally caught off-guard with this one =) Thanks to Daryl also who chipped in a little bit for my lunch! And here I’ll list out some of the brilliant jokes from the book. Enjoy!

What’s the difference between a woman with her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Men will screw anything.

The statues of the male and female nudes had stood in the park for ages. One day they were struck by lightning and a booming voice called from the sky, “You can come alive for one hour.”

The statues jumped off their pedestals and ran into the bushes where, for the next house, came sounds of moaning, groaning and grunting of pleasure.

“Shall we do it one more time?“, said the male statue to the female.

“Yes, oh yes!”, she cried. “This time I will hold the pigeon and you can shit on it.“

Private Smith’s mother had died unexpectedly and the Sergeant Major had to break the news to him.

“Break it gently to him“, advised his Lieutenant.

It was parade time, and the Sergeant Major was giving his troops a quick inspection.

“Brown! Straighten your hat! Jones! Your shoes are filthy. Johnson! Button up your jacket. Smith! Your mother is dead.”

Smith’s knees buckled, and he was carted off to Sick Bay.

A few weeks later, Private Smith’s father died, and the Sergeant Major again had to pass on the bad news.

“Break it to him gently“, said the Lieutenant. “You saw what happened last time.”

Out on the Parade ground, the Sergeant Major called his men to attention.

“All those who have a father take one step forward!“, he roared. “And where do you think you’re going, Private Smith?“

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Childish

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

“OMG I SMS-ED THE WRONG PERSON!!!” shouted the girl. It was midnight. The peaceful silence was thus broken and many lights were lighted up in the surrounding buildings. Her two housemate asked her to quiet down as people are sleeping. What was to be a simple request ended in drama.

“YOU TWO ARE SHOUTING AS WELL!!!” shouted the girl again. The two housemates looked at each other flabbergasted. They were dumbstruck as to how a simple whisper for silence got twisted into a shout. The taller of the two housemates looked back at her and asked her not to be such a sore-loser. The other housemate knew at this point that an argument was about to begin.

The girl is known to have a very short-fuse. In addition to that, she has this “I MUST WIN EVERY-TIME” attitude and with an arrogance to match. Refusing to back-down an admit her mistake less her pride is wounded, she marched back into her room grabbed all of the tall house-mate’s belongings and chucked it out of the room shouting that the housemate will sleep outside tonight.

The other house-mate’s eyes rolled knowing what would happened next and went back to study. That housemate knew that this is nothing new as it has happened many many times.

The tall housemate was furious at this point and started banging on the door in a vain attempt to get in. This time, the matron of the boarding house awoke. The matron stomped down to the site of the epic struggle and demanded what was going on. The past few nights’ searing heat caused the matron to lose sleep. When she thought she could finally have a good night’s rest due to the cool change, two childish kids had to ruin it. The matron was understandably steaming.

And then, the scolding begins.

The shouting girl, still shouting, began to answer back at the matron and at the same time continuing quarrelling with the tall one.

Then, the matron snapped.

The matron began her tongue lashings at the shouting girl and saying that she is the most unreasonable one. The matron has had enough of her and her attitude. The matron has been patient for far too long. The girl slammed and locked the door shut. The war of words lingered on for a few moments and ended soon after.

The matron went back to catch her forty winks. The dust settled… or so they thought. Just as abruptly as the skirmish ended, the room door slammed opened, and shortly after, followed by the main door of the boarding house. By now everyone was awake, and looked out the window. They saw the girl ran off into the night with her bag in tow.

Childish. Stupid. What would that ever accomplish? The girl has just proven that she is childish, stupid and thinks she knows everything. All credibility of her arguments has vanished the moment she ran out. With that act over a small silly thing, she might have gotten herself into something that she would regret all her life.

Humility, patience and some anger management will get you a long way.

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